A Mystery

I feel most alone amongst a crowd.

At home I feel like I don’t belong.

The search continues. To find my true-self.

I enjoy solitude, yet I’m afraid of being alone.

I laugh because It’s easier, easier to brush off the comments.

Easier to look at the positives, because if I start looking at the downside of my life I fear I may not recover.

I am who I am. Even as I say these words I’m confused as to who I really am.

When people describe me, I hear the description of a stranger.

Jokes have become a disguise, a mask, I wear to dry the tears.

My practiced smile has everyone fooled. No one bothers to look further.

All they see is an ordinary girl. I’d like to think that there is more.

Mine is a story being written.

A mystery.

Though I wish I knew how it ends.

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2 thoughts on “A Mystery

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  1. I understand what you’re going through. It’s like nobody knows how you function beneath all those thick layers of lies, acceptance, artificial smiles etc and god knows what other barriers you’ve raised to protect yourself from harm. But being like this ins’t going to help your condition. i can sense that you fear what may be the outcome if you drop the facade and be your “tender self”. But you need to start somewhere and sometime. try doing it slowly…one layer at a time..drop your protective shielding and like a butterfly that emerges from its cocoon, rise gloriously and soar to heights that you were apprehensive of reaching before. I wish you all the best 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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