I was talking with a friend yesterday ranting about one of my many issues.
And the entire time he was patient in listening and supportive in answering.
But when I thought back to the conversation, I realized that every word I uttered was vague and whenever I even came close to letting someone new into my life I freaked and shut myself down and made some random sarcastic comment in the hopes to change the topic and it usually works.
I’ve let myself admit that I have major trust issues. I’ve had trust issues for years now.
And I’ve always thought that in time I’d get over it. But I’m only getting worse.
I’ve let go of the cause of these issues but I’ve been screwed over more times by “friends” than I can remember and now every time I even come close to thinking that I can let someone in again, anxiety cripples me.
What is the point of having friends whom you love and know love you….. If you can’t trust them?