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unostentatioustruth

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January 2016

The non-existent light.

I do things I never thought I’d do just to get away from reality.

Its no surprise that I’m a sad person.

But I do everything within my power to hide this from those whom I love.

But when I’m alone in my little space filled with tragedy, loss and paranoia.

I fall into a sadness so powerful that its sweet.

It engulfs me.

I look into the mirror to see a person who’s got nothing to hold on to.

And the tears let away as I fall into a bliss.

And I miss something that doesn’t exist.

And I look for my companion, the darkness.

 

 

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I can feel it inside me,

when I look you in the eyes.

We may be apart,

but you’ve taken hold of my heart.

I held on to the last piece of you,

its my last shred of hope.

Every moment of every day,

all I my  hearts desires go out to you.

Even though I’m here and you’re not…

 

Empty.

The pain.. It hurts..

I tell everyone that I’m okay..

And I’m getting tired of my own lies. Because the more I try to prove that I’m fine, the lonelier and the worse I get.

Sometimes I wish I was a little girl again cause bruises caused by playing heal a lot faster than a heart broken into a million little pieces.

I’ve cried more than I though I was capable of.

I’ve run out of tears.. I feel nothing.

I feel empty.

I roam around like a zombie and I nod and laugh.

And all this while I feel hollow on the inside..

And it never goes away.

Puzzle.

I may be the piece of a puzzle in someone else’s life.

That doesn’t indicate that I’ve gotten my life figured out.

So, you who comes and tries to figure me out, tell me when you do. Cause I still haven’t .

And if you try to find all the pieces to the puzzle that I am.

Don’t be surprised if some are missing.

And if you ask me why I am the way I am, well the answer to that question can only be answered by a handful. Those who have left my life, those who remain but pretend like I don’t exist, those who betrayed me, those who I’ve betrayed, those who hate me and those who don’t.

I’ve made mistakes. Haven’t we all.

But the difference between me and the rest is, I’m stuck.

I’m stuck inside my own head trying to figure everything out.

Find out where it all went wrong. To find out where I lost my way.

I’m a puzzle stuck inside a puzzle.

And to help me find my way.. You’ll have to bring in a wrecking ball.

 

What’s the point?

What’s the point in trusting another,

when that trust gets broken.

What’s the use of breath,

if you make me breathless.

What’s the use of a soul,

if it gets a stolen.

What’s the point of speech,

when around you I go speechless.

What’s the point of you and me,

when we know it won’t work out.

What’s the point in having a heart,

when its already broken.

 

Crush.

Having a crush on someone is so much fun. And yes, I said fun.

Because once, you’re in a relationship it becomes official and serious and sometimes even complicated.

But when you have a crush on someone you’re on cloud nine when they’re around.

And there’s the anticipation of telling your friends and wondering what they’ll think of him.

And when you walk into a room full of people the first person you look for is him.

And you smile every time his name is mentioned.

And when you’re with him and your friends are there trying to be subtle about the fact that you like him, but they’re the most obvious people in the entire world.

Those are the days. They bring us a bus load of happiness and joy.

So, this post is basically going to be the different thoughts that constantly cross your minds when you have a crush on someone :

  1. I wonder if he likes me?
  2. Oh God! Why did I say that to him?! I am so lame.
  3. You give me butterflies!
  4. Damn. His hair looks sexy pushed back.
  5. You’re so cute!
  6. I’m not even going to think about him for the rest of the day.
  7. We would look so good together.
  8. He hates me.
  9. I want him. I want him baaadd.
  10. Text me.
  11. I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel so weird and tingly.
  12. Grool.
  13. He looked at me.
  14. Oh no. Okay. Relax.
  15. I hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it.
  16. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.
  17. He’s hot and I’m not. And everyone knows it.
  18. I think he likes me.
  19. Oh god. Oh god.
  20. I’m fine.

Lost Love.

Love comes like a dream and leaves like a nightmare.

And there is no remedy for a broken heart other than love itself.

The irony is frustratingly amusing.

‘Sometimes you have to move on without certain people. If they’re meant to be in it. They’ll catch on’. Yeah, this is not true.

We get one chance, two if we’re lucky. And once you find a person you think could be the one. You should hold on as tight as possible.

Love leaves a memory that no one can steal and one that will never fade and it leaves a heartache that no one can heal.

Every story has an ending. That’s something we all have to live with.

But the worst kind of story is the one that doesn’t have an ending, it just stops in the middle of a sentence.

And leaves you wondering.. What if?

Love You, Goodbye.

I was a fish in a pond.

I had my own little world.

Till I saw the ocean. So big and majestic.

I fell for someone within my reach but out of my league.

You had me fooled. Made me feel wanted. Made me believe I was unique and special.

I was too deep in love when I realized.

That I wasn’t the only one. You had chosen every fish in the pond.

As the truth bore in, I could take it no more.

You may not have cared at all but my love was real.

So, as I saw the tsunami take over I stayed my ground.

Because even though you played me.

My hearts desire was to fall.

And as I faced the biggest wave.

My little fish heart gave away and when it sounded its last beat, my love for you escaped.

And roamed the earth for eternity..

 

 

The Window to Our Soul

Our eyes are the windows of our soul.

Look into mine and you’ll know.

That all the laughter and all the smiles, they’re just my way of holding back from letting others know how I really feel.

Look into my eyes and you’ll see a person who’s struggling to hold on to the last string of hope.

You’ll see someone damaged beyond repair.

You’ll see a puzzle with missing pieces. And you’ll see a broken heart.

But look at me from afar and you’ll see a happy soul.

Someone with no seeming problems. A carefree and ‘chill’ person.

I don’t live a lie. But a lie is what people see. This may not make much sense, to anyone but others as broken a me.

The eye is the window to our soul. And it also presents the key to our hearts.

But today, even as the truth walks by,

barely a glance away, we miss it.

And we miss our chance at a glimpse of connection with another, a glimpse of happiness.

Even with eyes we don’t see. Aren’t we all so blind.

 

 

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