Anxiety – a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. This is the definition one gets when they google the definition of anxiety.

But only those suffering from Anxiety disorders know that, that definition is a grossly understated one.

There are numerous anxiety disorders.

I suffer from social anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I can’t quite explain why or how I became victim to this disorder. It may be my lack of social skills, lack of self esteem etc.

Basically, what this does to me is, when I am invited to a social event I become excessively scared of attending the said event days before. My mind conjures every possible thing that could go wrong and I end up having a panic attack, which is not very pleasant.

Recently, I’ve been invited to go to a friends party and I know only a handful of the attendees and I had a panic attack after talking to said friend about the party. Needless to say, I’m definitely not going to the party.

Social anxiety disorder  is what lead me to suffer from panic disorder.

Panic disorder is another type of anxiety disorder characterized by recurring panic attacks.Panic attacks suck. They’ve caused changes in my personality.

I tend to keep to myself. And pretend on a daily basis as though everything is great in my life, when all I really wanna do is crawl into a ball and start crying.

When I have a panic attack I just want to be left alone.

And I hate talking about it. To anyone.

The only reason I’m typing about it is because, even though it all sucks and its a subject better left alone, if I ignore it entirely I just may go crazy.