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unostentatioustruth

Month

March 2016

It’s You.

I’ve never opened up with anyone, the way I did with you.

And I never thought I could love again, till you came along and made me feel brand new.

I can’t bear the thought of you with another.

And I can’t keep pretending that when I see you with her it doesn’t bother me.

My feelings for you may never fade.

And yes, every time you mention her name, it’s like my backs been pushed against a blade.

But I love you too much to be selfish anymore.

All I want is to see you smile and do what you love most.

A day doesn’t go by without me thinking of you.

Your laugh, your voice,just, you.

I know this is coming to an end.

My worst fear.

But I’ll always be here, through thickest of patches, because I’m in love with my best friend.

An unwanted Revelation.

I never realized how much I loved you before I saw you fall for another.

I didn’t think it would hurt this much.

But as I find myself between crying all the time and unable to shed a single tear.

I regret not trying harder.

I regret letting you slip away.

And as I cry into my pillow, the only person I want to talk to is you.

The only thing that’ll both make me feel better and have me weeping harder is you.

The only thing that’ll stop the pain is your voice trying to make me laugh.

And I’m torn between letting you go and trying to move on and holding on harder to the only feeling that can make me smile.

Nothing is fine anymore.

I’ve lost the last scrap of my expectations.

Can’t handle what life has in store.

It’s feels like a fight amongst the nations.

And I’m the rope in this tug of war,

being torn into flakes.

Everything aches and I’m sore,

as the ground underneath my feat breaks.

 

 

 

Divergence.

A singe drop of water stranded,

in a desert filled with thorns.

The rays of the glaring sun landed,

like a car in a highway blazing its horns.

All it takes is a minute, nay, a second,

for everything to tumble down.

One word, one look is all that would beckon,

for our lives desire to be lost or found.

 

Maybe not Always.

Seemingly never ending agony takes over.
Every step I take I hope is my last.
Always I guess doesn’t last forever.
You came in my life like a whirlwind and left as fast.

Everything around me is falling apart.
Feels like there’s nothing I can do about it.
But I honestly thought that you and I would never part.
Maybe the universe is punishing me the way it seems fit.

I hold onto the feeling I get when I’m with you.
I keep my chin up and smile like it’s all okay.
Cause if I think of you with her everything turns blue.
I’m grasping at any happy memory because I’m still secretly hoping you’ll stay.

Anaesthetic.

I’m so numb.
I have no idea what to feel when I’m not sad or trying to smile and laugh to prove to others that I’m fine.
And when I have rare moments of utter solitude and stillness, where I’ve accepted everything wrong and right.
I’m numb.
I’m void of words.
Stripped of emotions.
Empty.
And in these moments I have this sudden urge to call a friend and just talk, about anything at all.
But as I hear the annoying yet comforting ring of the phone I panic and cut the call.
I’m terrified of needing someone.
Because in the end aren’t we all left insufferably and inevitably alone.
So then I sit and try to feel content in my own company only to realize I hate myself.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t like who I’ve become.
I don’t know who I’ve become.
Then I get back into the feeling of depression and conflicted emotions and only then do I feel as though everything is back to normal.
I realize that this is wrong.
But I’ve become so used to being lonely and lost that the concept of having people who care and finding my way is a very scary and intimidating thought.

 

Abhorrence.

We are all judged by our clothing than our personality.

Rich, popular the only factors that matter.

If you’re nice, you get mocked.

You hold back on rage, you get bullied.

I voice my opinion.

And hell fire rains upon me.

Keeping quite and watching as the world turns into something filled with filth and lust.

If one tries to bring about a change, you get dragged and shattered till there is nothing left of you.

What have we come to?

 

Unloved.

At my lowest point I realized my vulnerability level,

because as soon as I lost you to her I went back to my cocoon.

I thought I was getting better,

my hope had come back to me but left just as soon.

I can’t do this anymore,

I don’t think I’ll survive.

I want to be positive,

but my faith is long gone and can’t be revived.

Having to talk to you everyday and watch you love her more each day.

I want to crawl under a rock, hope for the end and stay.

Why can’t it be me? Why not this one time?

Why don’t I get a happy ending? Why won’t my future shine?

Is it me? Am I the reason everyone goes away.

I can’t hold back the tears anymore, no not today.

 

 

 

Ordeal.

My mind is a trap I’ll never be rid of,
and my thoughts are the punishment.
When people see me now they just scoff,
as though I’m not worth a penny or a cent.

One insult after another,
it’s a never-ending stream.
And there’s no one who even bothers,
so I go ahead, I sleep and dream.

Finally away from the voice in my head,
I try to relish the silence.
In a sleep so powerful as though I’m dead,
my thoughts return to me with violence.

I wake up with a jolt,
with acceptance of my worst fear.
And all comes to a halt,
as I admit that it never stops, it never ends, this life is my one and only hell.

Afraid of Love.

You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.
You make me smile more than I’ll ever show.
But I’m still scared to give you my heart.
Because the last time I lend it out, it was ripped apart.
I’m still in shreds and I always will be.
So it seems strange that you’d like someone like me.
A person so torn and lost.
To understand whom time will cost.
I will pull away,
even if you stay.
I will run and hide,
but won’t accept it due to my pride.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I love you too much.
And I’m afraid one day you’ll look at me and realise I’m not enough.

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