July 2016


I’m aboard the boat that is life.

And I’ve lost both oars.

I’m being pushed and shoved by the mighty waves.

Conquered by the ocean.

The noise is deafening and the silence overwhelming.

All of a sudden everything lays still.

And I start to sink.

It started out with a single drop and continued a never ending stream.

I sat perfectly still and watched myself drown.

The deeper I sank the lighter I felt.

And as everything else faded away,

I saw a light as bright as day.

And smiled for the first time in ages.

Because all the chains had finally broke and I was free.


A weird Irony.

I’ve never been one to express what I’m feeling.

Not because I think that’s ‘cool’.

But because I’ve come to learn that it’s easier to control those overwhelming emotions that make you want to jump up and down like a crazy person.

Because that way if things end badly, yes you’ll be disappointed in a way you can’t comprehend. But you can deal with it in your own time and space instead of being coddled by your friends which at first might be nice to know they care and stuff, but let’s be honest it gets frustrating.

Right now, nothing in my life is good.

And I know people say that when there’s a down, there’s an up. And I’m not going to disagree.

But sometimes, we go tumbling down a dark tunnel for way too long before we find a way out.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.

I have no idea what’s to come, I guess none of us really do.

And I’m at a place where watching the scene where Lucas and Peyton finally get together get’s me to bawl my eyes out, though I’ve watched that episode like a million times. Or when there’s just no chocolate in the house.

I have no faith that things will get better.

I’m at my worst and I’m alone and I know it’s my own fault. But I’m glad.

Though I wish I had someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

I’m glad that I’m alone in this because I’d rather have just me worrying over my problems than add to the list. At least that’s the only upside I’ve found in being unable to talk about my problems with anyone.

People Always Leave.

Don’t say you’ll never leave me,

don’t say it’s all gonna be okay.

The world is filled with liars as far as the eye can see.

And I’m staring out into nothing watching the sky turn grey.

There are a million questions on my mind,

whose answer’s I’ll never know.

You were all that I needed. The feeling I thought I’d never find.

But you were out the door as soon as ice turned to snow.



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