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unostentatioustruth

Month

November 2016

Unintentionally Hurt You.

I’ve been blinded by love before,

but now I can see.

The love that I’d felt through my core,

someone else had felt the same about me.

I’d been so fixated on you hurting me that I lost my way,

and I stumbled to find a light.

But I’d hurt another who loved me, I see that today,

he loved me, I loved you and it all ended in a fight.

We’re all so fixated on what we’ve lost,

we lose track of what we have.

I hurt him, the same way you hurt me, I guess that was my oversights cost,

now I’m in pieces and so is he who loved me, in the end we’re all end but halved.

 

 

Done and Dusted.

I’m done.

I’m done making excuses for you.

I’m done holding onto the hope that you might change.

I miss the memory of us more than I do you.

And that’s how I know I’m ready to open the next chapter of my life.

You didn’t love me.

And you will never know how to love me when you’re  sober.

So my love, I’m done with us.

You gave up and now I’m gone.

They Don’t Know About Us.

It’s frustrating,  how you seem so okay. 

While I’m struggling to keep myself sane.

It hasn’t been easy. Nothing has been since you turned your back on me.

People tell me that I shouldn’t miss you.

That I should be mad at you for the hell you’re putting me through.

But more often than that, they tell me “Just move on.”

Like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

And that is when I get mad.

They say it like I’m trying my very best not to.

They say it because they don’t know about us.

And they never will, because irregardless of the rumors they’ve heard and the stories I myself may have narrated.

No one will ever truly understand us. Because, they weren’t there. They can’t possibly know how you made me feel when you looked into my eyes like I was all that mattered.

When you held my hand and suddenly my world fell into place.

How you made me believe and do the things I’d never imagined.

How though, I want to hate you for making me cry,  I can’t because I love you too much to feel anything else.

No one understood then, and they don’t now.

And that’s okay.

Because they don’t know how we were. 

It’s Always You. 

You. 

Your smile.

Your laugh.

You.

That’s all it takes to get me weak in the knees.

You’re my poison and cure.

Survived Today. 

I am but a lonely soul. 

Walking aimlessly, wondering where life will take me next.

I have no faith.

But still hope for a better tomorrow . This confuses me.

But I’ve long since lost the will to think.

All I achieve in a day, is survival. 

I Remember It All.

It’s getting insanely frustrating for me.
The hold that you seem to have over my heart and mind.
I keep telling myself you’re not worth it. That it’s all for the best that you and I didn’t work out.
And every time my mind convinces me that I’m over you, that I’ve moved on.
I see a drawing of Pokemon and remember your childlike smile as you showed me your first sketching.

I see the pouring rain and think of that day we spent goofing around, splashing about in the rain and planning out our future together.

I wake up in the middle of the night, and remember all those times you called somehow knowing that I would be awake.

And even now when I need to vent, you somehow know and call saying you felt like hearing my voice and suddenly all my problems disappear.

I keep telling myself I’ll get over you, all the while remembering the countless moments that scream to me. Begging me to hold on.

Because regardless of what’s happened, regardless of our obvious flaws.

I see my mind flooded with memories of us, all the tears and smiles.

And I’m happy.

You were my first love.

And, I can’t help but hope you’ll be my last.

 

 

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