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Love

Unspoken.

All those words unspoken,
the one’s that never quite got out.
These thoughts that floated,
every time your name would sprout.
Years later, you are gone,
but these feelings still alive.
And she screams the words in a hopeless cry,
in hopes her heart might revive.

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Leaps.

It was this feeling inside of me, this feeling I believed in.

I took one leap after another, as I went for the win.

So many things came in between us two,

But through it all you held my hand and I knew it was true.

That one feeling changed my entire life.

And you confirmed it the day you asked me to be your wife.

That feeling was love.

Never After.

She grew up reading fairy tales, with happily ever after and the hope of a perfect life.

So, when she met him, her first love, she did what felt right, she have him her soul. Hoping they could be one forever.

But he wasn’t interested in that, he looked at her body, he memorized her curves. And once he’d gotten them, he disappeared.

And her soul returned shattered in a billion pieces.

And as life goes on, there came another into her life, and once she started to feel the same things she had before, she put up a wall.

She gave him her body, but never her soul. She never again lent another her heart, even when they wanted nothing more.

And in the end, she was alone, her soul dissipated, her heart hardened. And there she lay watching others living their happy endings, while nearing her own.

 

Better.

I can’t help who I am.

I can’t help the choices I make.

I know that I am no victim; I know I could try harder to make you proud.

All my life, all I’ve ever wanted was to hear the words “I Love You”, come out of your mouths.

So, I did what you asked, I worked till I was out of breath.

But all my hard work was in vain.

And eventually, one day when I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t recognize the person staring back at me.

While trying to find my way to you, I lost myself.

And so I gave up my quest to make you, my parents proud. I gave up.

My actions changed once I made that decision.

I tried new things; I unleashed my curiosity to see the world, to experience, to feel.

And though I’m that much closer to being myself, I’m that much farther away from you.

I’m sorry. But I am better now than I was before.

 

Thank You.

Since you’ve been around I smile more than I used you.

Since you’ve been around I breathe easier than I used to.

Since you’ve been around the tears flow less than they used to.

Since you’ve been around I look forward to each day.

Thank you for being my ray of sunshine.

Shame.

Is that really the best you can do?
You’re barely average.
Are you sure you want to eat that?
You should do something about your face.
Why are you even alive?
All these statements and questions.
All these words, I endured.
All these voiced thoughts and opinions I acted indifferent to.
Till I realized no matter what I did, those words wouldn’t disappear from within me.
Nothing to make go away the humiliation I felt when I looked in the mirror.
As I was sinking in self hatred edged on by waves of depression.
I walked over to the ends of the waters of misery and drowned peacefully.

Rain.

The most vivid memory from her childhood was rain.
She’d always felt the droplets upon her face. And when she’d opened her eyes, she remembered the lips of her mother curving into a strained smile.
Soon after, as her mother dropped, the rain stopped.
She grew up regretting that she had no souvenir of her mother’s.
But years later, wiping away her own tears, she realized there never was any rain, and those were no droplets.
Guess she’d been left with something after all.

I need you.

Independent.

This was what you’d hear as a description of him.

That and lonely.

But he didn’t care.

He had a plan, and he wouldn’t stop till he got what he’d wanted. What he’d dreamed of for so long. He’d get it all, because he deserved it.

Life had never been easy.

All he’d ever gotten were lemons to the point where he was just sour.

But deep down, even he knew.

All his clamour and hard work. None of it meant a thing.

Until he heard them boast to their friends.

About the son who’d done well.

Who’d made them proud.

No matter how grown.

Nothing had meaning without the approval of those who birthed him.

Because no girl could take the place of his first love, and no friend mattered as much as his very first.

21.

I would have done anything for you,

but that isn’t how I know that my love was pure.

The day I helped you get the girl you loved,

though it killed me to do so is how I know.

You and I may be history now and I’ve moved on,

but dark times are ahead of me and I may get lost.

It is at times like these when I recap on my feelings for you,

knowing I experienced love at its purest is my flashlight to make it out alive.

My heart is whole again with no thanks to you,

I’ve recovered from all you put me through.

I remember when you said to me ” Not now, give me time, give me till you’re 21.”,

Now I’m left with 21 scars reminding me of you.

 

 

 

 

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