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unostentatioustruth

First Love.

High school.
“I have to do well. I have to be great.” He thought.
Fixing his hair he walked abrisk, head held high he pace quickened.
In he walked, to the first class of a new year.
Looking at all the scattered people, he moved aside.
He didn’t need an acquaintance with the vain, nor the chatty.
And to the side he saw a pile of dark hair, bunched up into a pony tale, head held down in a sulky manner. She looks quite, and simple. She’ll do, he thought.
Class began in a typical introductory manner.
No one cared enough to listen much other to those than the acquaintances they’d already made.
He didn’t pay much attention to her, until she’d accidentally brushed against him while shifting in her seat.
And after that moment he couldn’t stop looking, and didn’t know if he’d ever be able to.

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Lie.

Don’t lie. It’s not an honorable trait.
This value is drilled into us from an early age, no matter our background.
But I never quite understood this notion.
Lying is a part of life, no man or woman goes through life without uttering a single lie or conceal the truth.
Does a mother not lie to her child who is crying over a matter not worth that all will be fine, though she herself may have a million burdens on her mind.
Do lovers not shut away their feelings so as to not be vulnerable.
Do we all not tell our loved one’s we are fine, when our mind is going crazy, to spare them of pain.
We all lie, some for a noble cause and some with twisted intentions.
I lie.
And I’m that much more assured that I am human.

Awake.

I can never sleep.
I can hardly breathe.
Every time I close my eyes, I remember what happened.
I hear my own pleas and screams, my body starts to tremble as it did that night every time my mind travels back in time.
I’ve stopped praying, as I now know no one is listening.
What good is it hoping god will hear my prayers to stop my nightmares, when god was present when the nightmare took place.
The bags under my eyes grow by the day.
My steps have slowed.
My body is breaking down.
My spirit extinguished.
Will I be able to finish this journey?

Stigma.

We started out as friends and that’s all I ever thought we’d be.
But one thing led to another and another.
And slowly I started to trust, I started to feel.
And when I was ready to go all in, when I was ready to give you my all.
You stepped back, and you revealed to me, maybe for the first time. Your true face.
My heart I presented on a platter and all you did was laugh.
All those moments, all those memories, they were nothing but a joke to you.
I was a hobby, just another prey that fell for you.
How fast you turned your back to me looked at me like I was a stranger.
I was nothing.
And you made sure I knew it.

Go.

Every day she was told of what a disappointment she was.
Every day produced a new set of insults.
Every day she was reminded of all her failures.
And every day she endured, till the day she asked herself why.
Why should she have to listen to this abuse, why did she have to feel worse about herself.
Their tauntings weren’t the worst of it.
It was that part inside her that agreed with what they said, and even added on to their hurtful words.
In the end, every voice said one thing.
Every voice told her to go, go jump off a cliff, go to hell, go far far away, just go.
And she did.

Begin.

He’d never fit in, and he’d had big dreams.
So, he fought on his own to find his way.
When he was struggling the most, he was put in a team.
And that’s when he learnt that he needn’t be a lone wolf.
Those who’d he’d been brought to, they too had his dreams.
And together they began to take on the tough journey.

Reflection.

A smile was constant of her face as a child,

You could always know when she was near, just by the sound of laughter.

As she got older, not only did her features change, but so did her smile.

As a child oblivious to the world and it’s cruelties, she was treated to rainbows and sunshine.

But as an adult who has and is experiencing life in all it’s gory, the child in her died.

Save me.

 “Pathetic” “Worthless” “Stupid” “Slut”

These were the more recent words she’d been treated to.

These were the words that spewed from the mouths of those who were closest to her.

She felt alone, and was staring into a pit of darkness and there she found an old friend. One who she’d fought using all her might to rid.

But now, after all this while, she realize this was her only constant.

Her fight drained.

She shook hands with her companion and jumped without a thought into the pit.

And that was the moment when all hope abandoned her and depression won.

I need you.

Independent.

This was what you’d hear as a description of him.

That and lonely.

But he didn’t care.

He had a plan, and he wouldn’t stop till he got what he’d wanted. What he’d dreamed of for so long. He’d get it all, because he deserved it.

Life had never been easy.

All he’d ever gotten were lemons to the point where he was just sour.

But deep down, even he knew.

All his clamour and hard work. None of it meant a thing.

Until he heard them boast to their friends.

About the son who’d done well.

Who’d made them proud.

No matter how grown.

Nothing had meaning without the approval of those who birthed him.

Because no girl could take the place of his first love, and no friend mattered as much as his very first.

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